Diagnosis

After years of on again, off again depression, problems with anger management and lots of frustration, I underwent a thorough psychological evaluation this spring and was diagnosed with ADHD, inattentive type, and apparently I have a fairly severe case. This actually came as a surprise to me; I knew that I had issues with forgetfulness and organization but tended to think that these were simply because I was busy, or were character flaws. If I tried harder to organize my home and get cleaning done, then I could do it, right? The evidence from the evaluation was pretty clear, though, so I began taking ADHD medication. I was at a point where I knew that I needed to do *something* in order to continue functioning as a stay-at-home homeschooling mom. I couldn't keep doing what we'd been doing.

I have been on a starter dose of Vyvanse for a little over two weeks, and I've been surprised at the difference that it has made. It is far from perfect and my dose isn't quite right, the medication is wearing off in the early afternoon instead of working through the evening, but it has made some significant differences in my day to day functioning at home with my kids. I am spending far, far less time feeling flustered and overwhelmed. I am better able to respond to my kids in a positive manner, even when they interrupt me when I'm in the middle of doing something. When I do get interrupted, it is much easier for me to get back on task. I haven't been spending as much time getting sucked into the computer, mostly because it is now easier for me to think "I need to stop this and get something done" and then actually stop and do that thing. My house is cleaner than it has been, ever. Let's see if I can keep it up.

In the past I've tended to think something along the lines of "ADHD is just a brain difference, and most people with ADHD would be able to function just fine if schools and workplaces could better accommodate those differences. Medicating isn't usually the answer." I don't think that any longer. I wasn't obviously impaired by the ADHD problems, but after taking the medication and finding out what "normal" is, I definitely feel impaired when the medication wears off. I wondered why everything seemed more difficult for me then it looked like it was for other people, and the reason was because it WAS more difficult. There are still many bad habits that I need to be rid of and healthy habits that I need to practice in order to be functioning really well, but I think the medication will allow me to work on those and make real progress.

Sound and Fury

but I think it signifies something.

Verity is in the midst of an explosion in her speech and language development, and I am thoroughly enjoying watching it occur. The language development of each of the kids has been unique, but still Verity has managed to impress me multiple times.

Pauly was a delayed talker, then at around age 3 it seemed like a switch flipped and he began talking, not only catching up to the "average" but surpassing it. Roger was pretty much an average talker, right on track with all the milestones. Rosie said her first words absurdly early, at around five months. I know most of you won't believe me, as I didn't believe my own ears, either, until my husband, my mother, my mother-in-law and a sister-in-law all insisted she was in fact using words with meaning. Still, she only said a handful of words until she was over one, then her speech development was normal -- she added a ton of single words to her vocabulary, once she had a certain number she started combining them into phrases, then sentences, then she talked constantly. Wait, they all do that. . .

Verity's speech development isn't abnormal but it is different from the others. She has been adding lots of single words to her vocabulary, but she is also using a lot more "jargon" than the other kids did. "Jargon" here means babbling with the tone, cadence and inflection of actual speech. She's constantly telling me things using jargon and gestures, and seems to be very good at getting her meaning across. What's really interesting to me that there are whole sentences starting to spring up in the midst of this jargon, and not always short sentences, either. Things like, "Can I please have it?" when she wanted her sister's popsicle. So instead of combining already established vocabulary into phrases, then sentences, she's coming up with whole sentences that use words that she may or may not have used on their own before. It makes me wonder what else she is saying that I'm just not understanding but am mistaking for jargon.

Added to this is the fact that she seems to be able to repeat just about anything she hears. "Knock, knock!" she said the other day, after hearing multiples jokes in the car. Or when Roger tried to trick someone with, "I bet I can make you say 'how,'" she was the only one in the family who responded with "how?" She is definitely reminding me of how fun watching a child develop can be.

About the dog. . .

Bob and I are both getting to the point where we just don't think that taking in Louie is working out. Yes, he's learning. He now sits for his supper, and is starting to listen better in general, although it is obvious when we slack off on working with him as he doesn't obey as well. The problem is finding time for the training among all the other things I have to think about. Housebreaking had been coming along well, until he got into the habit of eating the fallen mulberries and this messed up his digestion. : / I think that as long as we can keep him away from the berries he'll be fine.

The pup has caused some problems – most notably digging up all the gardens that Bob had prepared and planted this spring. More than that, he is just one more thing for me to worry about. He chews stuff, he grabs the kids' toys, he steals food off the table (Fenja has NEVER stolen food off the table). We could take care of all these problems, they are definitely fixable with training and supervision, but finding time for the training and managing the constant supervision seems to be more than I can handle when I'm also trying to train and supervise four kids. ;) This is really too bad, as I really like Louie. A lot. He's an adorable terrier mix and I think he's got a great personality hidden under the puppiness. He's just so much work. Of course, so are the kids. . .

It's been awhile!

Well, I certainly didn't keep it going very long that time. I had planned to start my blog again to give me an intellectual outlet and a somewhat practical hobby, and look, I haven't posted in a month and a half! I'll go ahead and blame Facebook. If I have a picture, or a link that I want to share, then I share it there. It doesn't really require brain power, though. Maybe I'll try again to get this off the ground?

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Good Dog, Bad Dog; Good Kid, Bad kid

Since Louie, an untrained terrier puppy, joined our household a few weeks ago, I've been revisiting th idea of training and noting where our training has fallen short with Fenja, our older dog, as well as considering what training we need to be doing with Louie in order to turn him into a dog that we can live with. As I've reviewed the dog training ideas I have used in the past, I've also been confronted with the difference in the attitude I have toward my dogs and their training versus the attitude I have toward my children and their discipline. While I have good intentions in disciplining my kids, the majority of the time I fall back into Scarily Punitive Reactionary Mom mode. I've thought in the past that My Smart Puppy, my favorite puppy training book, may also be the best parenting book I've read. Obviously, there are significant differences between puppy training and child discipline; I'm not trying to figure out which training collars and flavor of treats would work best for my kids. However, some of the best advice in My Smart Puppy has to do with the owner's attitude and outlook, and I think a lot of this can teach parents something, too. So here are some musings on some puppy training ideas that might bring something to parenting.

Each Puppy is Different
Temperament is inborn -- in children and in dogs. "The trick to being happy is not to get what you want, but to want what you get." This applies as much to kids as it puppies. Regardless of the child you imagined you would have, the one you've got now - with all his strengths, weaknesses and quirks,; is the one you've got. Accepting this and working with him rather than trying to mold him into an idealized image is essential for good discipline.

Do you love your puppy, or do you love loving your puppy?
Love means giving the puppy (or child!) what she needs for her growth, not what you'd like to give her or what would make you feel good about being a parent. Often times what she may need is firm boundaries - and this may not always make you feel wonderful or loved in return.

Get to Good
Focus on teaching what to do, not what not to do. While corrections may be necessary, they should not be the bulk of training or disicpline. Being told "don't do this" without being told what to do instead can be confusing for dog and child alike. Focus on teaching behaviors that you want, and then encouraging those behaviors.

Effective Corrections are as gentle as they can be, and as firm as they must be.
Intimidation or harsh punishments may make you feel like you've "done something" in response to he behavior, but it isn't like to help the trainee learn what to do and feel capable of and motivated to do it. Good corrections stop the behavior long enough so you can teach the wanted behavior in its place.

Your puppy can change, but you have to change first.
Doing the same thign you've been doing is likely to end in the same result you've been getting. If what you're doing isn't working, don't blame the dog or the kid , change what you're doing. For some reason, this is much easier for me to keep in mind with regards to the dogs than the kids. Louie has an accident. I clean it up and think, "He should not have been off-lead in the house. Also, he never is in the hallway or the bedrooms, so he probably doesn't even think of those places as 'inside.' I need to make sure to bring him into each of those rooms on lead and feed him there."

Rosie has an accident, and I freak out that once again she hasn't bothered to stop what she's doing and go to the bathroom. Unlike with the dogs, my first thought isn't of what I need to change about what I'm doing in order to help her be successful.

My title is intentionally a bit misleading -- the label "bad dog" isn't helpful in dog training because it doesn't help you to change anything about what you are doing, but only encourages you to become more frustrated and annoyed with your pet. Something similar may be true for children as well, along the lines of the famous Fr. Flanagan quote, “There are no bad boys. There is only bad environment, bad training, bad example, bad thinking.” We can't have total control over our kids (or our puppies!), but we can control our affect on the environment, our example and our training. I'm not sure why my first instinct when the dog misbehaves is to adjust my training, while my first instinct when the kids misbehave is anger, but I don't know what is going be my self-improvement priority for now. Hopefully in a few months, Louie will be better behaved, the kids will be decently well behaved, and I'll be at least a bit calmer.